The real reason I want a fancy camera

Now that I have shifted from the patient to survivor I am learning how to navigate many new feelings.  One of those feelings is the overwhelming fear that I am not going to get raise my children.  I have said it time and time again that although I miss my mother I am so grateful that she was here to raise us.  I have been harping on Mike that I want a fancy camera knowing fully we should not spend the money.  I mentioned it in front of my father and was soundly scolded.  I have a perfectly good point and shoot.  I want a very simple Canon digital single lens reflex.  I have this overwhelming need to take more pictures of the kids....  if I am not here I want them to see themselves the way I see them.  I know it seems silly, and I am sure my itty bitty power shot would capture them....  I guess I just want more.  I have a hard time talking about it, sometimes these fears are best left not spoken.

I have created a plan since I feel guilty over the money... I am selling stuff....

My day today summed up in a couple of cell phone photos...