I think it is me.

After looking inward I have came to the conclusion that I expect to much from others.

My own husband has often accused me in the past of putting others first. Not intentionally, but many times when it has come down to former dance students, or classroom activities I will go above and beyond to satisfy the needs of others.

I try to live my life by treating others in the same way that you would want to be treated. In our world many people no longer live in this manner. We have shifted to "get ahead, at all costs" mode not caring who we throw under the train in our way.

This week I hope to always try to put others before myself. I want to set the example for my daughter, and for others. I may continue to get hurt in the process, but I am still fighting the good fight.

Fireflies and moonlit summer nights.

We have been very busy this summer doing not much of anything, the way a summer should be in my opinion.

We spent the 4th of July by watching the parade from the steps of St. John's in a light drizzle. The 4th in Lancaster is always a wonderful day, rain or not. We came home from the parade, took a mid afternoon nap, and the skies cleared for an explosive finish to the evening. We sat in are usual spot with good friends and took in the celebration. We do think often enough of how we got to this point in our history, and many Americans have forgot their eighth grade history lessons. Imagine the feelings of our framers on that first day of Independence.

We spent the next two weeks at the pool for swim lessons. Libby learned the American crawl, dolphin kick, basic diving, and the back stroke. As usual we did not see much progress during lessons, but now that it is the end of July she is doing very well mastering her skills.

We have participated in the Lancaster Festival. We started by doing some Italian Street Painting, we went to the Art Walk with some good friends, volunteered at Festival Fair Day, saw Circus Boy, Pirates, and a master yo-yo'er (is that how you spell that), Zoso-The Ultimate Led Zeppelin experience, and we rounded out the ten days with a Kenny Loggins concert underneath a beautiful sky last night.

God created magic in the clouds in the distance showing the awe of lighting through huge cumulonimbus clouds. Nature is full of surprises and beauty but it was breathtaking to watch the clouds light up.

Not to much else to report for the family. We continue to pray that suitable employment will become available for Mike soon.

Summer is over half way over... catch some fireflies, swing high with your eyes closed, and play after dark.

30 Days

I am a fan of Morgan Spurlock, and of his thirty days series. The most recent episode on gay parenting and gay adoption rights really struck a nerve with me.

Personally I attend a conservative church... yet nationally this church is attacked because of its openly gay bishop. I do not believe in legislating morals of the American people. Morals are a personal choice.

The opposition of the show, Kati, a Mormon from California really shocked me. People like Kati make me sad to be a Christian. I believe that God does not intend us to judge others, the judgement will be left when we meet him (or her for that matter). This married mom, who adopted her own two children does not believe that gay and lesbian families/couples/people should be allowed to adopt, or have children. She believes that God told her that this is wrong, and that children living in these homes will be prone to accepting homosexual tendencies.

I sit here in my quiet house and think about all the children world wide that need families, that need a parent, two parents, grandparents, any parents. How could someone keep children from having a family. As taboo as homosexuality still is for many, what gives us the right to judge.

Some feel that the American family is being attacked. I have news, the change has already occurred. Millions of children live with one parent, with extended family, and all of the children being raised in foster care. They need loving caring families, straight, gay, who cares a family is a family. In is not 1950 any more.

Kati if you are out there... I am sorry that you did not learn any thing from your thirty days. You just gave LDS a bad name in my eyes.

Struggling

I am struggling on many different levels.

I am struggling with my faith. I feel strongly that we need to attend to church as a family. We have found a nice church that I think we all enjoy attending. I went to church growing up and I think it was one of the best influences that kept me out of trouble during my teen years. The problem is that I struggle with God. For the longest time I was so angry with God because he made my mom sick, and he took her from me to soon. I then could not believe that a God that I believed in could make my mom so sick, and that she would suffer so long. I knew that it could not be him, but some other large universal force that rules our environment.

Now that Mike lost his job I am struggling again. I understand that things just happen. I have prayed to God each day that he guides us and that we are taken care of, and that Mike gets a job soon. It has been three weeks and I feel like we are going no where fast. I fall back in that pattern that nothing good is going to happen for us, ever. But, I know that it will. God provides for us.

I am thankful for...

My husband. He loves me, unconditionally, he is kind, thoughtful, funny, and even after eleven years my hand falls easily into his like it did the first time. I can not imagine walking through life with anyone but him.

My daughter. God has given us the most precious gift in the form of a beautiful, healthy, intelligent, and vibrant little girl. I thank him for her everyday.

Our life. We have a good life. I get wrapped up in material things I do not need, but I still have. Our house, our car, my coach purses, clothes, all these things I do not need, but I still have. It is so easy to be consumed by materialism in this global who's who world that I live in. Sometimes it is necessary to reflect on all that you have, and think about that many that have nothing at all.

So pray for me. Pray that I keep my faith with God, and that I find peace with all that I have, and to not want more than we need.

Busy Times

Summer is finally here and we have been busy.



Libby had dress rehearsal and her recital last week. She did an excellent job and was very cute up on stage.











We have been spending some time at the pool which has been fun. Libby remembered how to swim again after a few days and has been having fun with her pool friends. They are finally using the pool heater so the water is not ice cold.

She also got her first real haircut. We have had it trimmed several times a year since she is three, but in celebration of the Kit movie (American Girl) she decided that she wanted a Kit hair cut! It is very cute and will be great for summer. She looks so grown up.

In other news Mike's job search is going well and he has several good interviews. I have been very busy with school work, and the quarter is over on Friday. I can not wait for a week off.

Backyard Blooms

Our flowers and bushes are finally starting to bloom in the backyard. I wish you could add smell to a blog, because this is the one time of year our yard smells glorious.

Mike got me the Lilacs for an Easter present the first year that we were in the house. My how they have grown... I will miss them when we eventually move.

These other two are kind of funny. When we first moved in it was November, and when spring came things that appeared to be weeds sprouted up everywhere. Finally after a year of mowing plants down the neighbors clued us in that they were actually nice perennials.

This is our peony, no smell, but pretty pink blossoms.

This last one is an Old Fashioned Rose. It only blooms once a year in late May/early June, and it only lasts for two weeks, but oh my.... it smells heavenly. One of the best parts is that the petals are heart shaped. We try and dry some every year. If I could bottle the smell and sell it I would. It is a pure rose smell....

Today was my last teaching day for the year. As much as I love to teach and love the kids, I am glad the year is done. Because of our situation I may have to get a summer job, but I am going to enjoy the next few days off.

What are we teaching our children?

Last night during the t ball game a child from the other team called Mike big and fat during the game. Now with all do honesty Mike is a big guy, that is a fact, but in the same breath a child of five or six years age should know that it is not okay to call people names. Earlier this week I had a daycare child from Libby's school tell me that I was fat when I was dropping some papers off to a fellow teacher. I brush these thing off as the brutal truth from the mouths of babes. Mike and I could stand to lose a few pounds. We gently corrected both children telling them it is not nice to call names and left it at that.

I just do not think it is okay to encourage labeling and name calling. It causes nothing but problems and hurt feelings. There were several larger children on the other team... what if that little girl tells them they are big and fat too. How is that going to make those kids feel. We have became a society focused on outward appearance, and less concerend with what is on the inside. I guess we can only start change from within our homes.

Random Ramblings

It has been such a busy week. Mike's job search is going well, and I have been doing some local networking for him. Sometimes it is truly about who you know. He had a phone interview on Wednesday, and he also has one Tuesday morning. We are both hoping that more calls start to come in after the holiday weekend.

Although I am not a fanatical Christian I do believe that God will take of us and provide for us. We are truly not given tasks that we can not handle. So keep those prayers and good vibes coming our way. I just do not think unemployment will cover the bills!

On Monday we had dance pictures. I adore Libby's costume this year, she looks like a little diva in it. I also am so very proud of her. She really "gets" dance and the routine this year and is one of the leaders in the class.

On Tuesday my students had their preschool graduation. They were very cute and did a good job. It was nice seeing all of the parents and getting to mingle afterwords at the cookie reception.

On Wednesday we had dance class and a t ball game. We were really wiped out by the end of the day. Our t ball team is doing well.

On Thursday Libby had her Pre K graduation. They did a good job for the first thirty minutes... when they started handing out the diplomas things started falling apart. If it would not ended when it did I think they would have been sword fighting with the diplomas. It is a really cute program about how they were a promise and how they could grow up to be anything. I still can not believe we are going to kindy this fall.

This last one is Libby and her dear friend Kayla. They had a mock sleepover last weekend and had such fun. It is neat to see them make good friends at this age!

We are working tomorrow. A big HAPPY BIRTHDAY to HAILEY! Sorry we can not make it over guys. I hope the party goes great.

On Sunday Maia and Christopher are coming to play while Mike's brother and his wife celebrate their anniversary. I am hoping it is warm enough to head out to the pool.

It was the best, no scratch that, it was the worst of times and they march on and on...

For those of you who know me in real life you know that for the most part the last five years of our life have been good years, overshadowed with very miserable things.

Today marks the two year point of the last time my mom really felt good. We were arriving in Hilton Head, and although she was tired, we had a good time. Weeks after we came home the cancer that had spread to her brain started to take over.

Last spring she passed away. I really thought this was to the low point for our family. Things could only get better from there, right?

Mike has known that there was a possibility of his office closing, and has been looking on and off for a job for over a year. What he has been offered he has been over qualified for, and it has not paid at least what he is making now.

The new dilemma is two weeks from yesterday, Mike is officially unemployed. I have to believe that everything will be okay. Unfortunately reality is a much more frightening world that I would rather not be living in.

So pray, chant, light a candle, what ever your choice of bringing on goodness may be for us. I really did not think things could get worse.

(And, thanks for reading my little Saturday morning ode to self pity.)

Mother's Day

Yesterday was a pleasant and quite day. I did not feel that well, and I actually feel worse today.

Mike made me an everything bagel with garden vegetable cream cheese for breakfast, and he and Libby served me, and even allowed me to choose what we were going to watch.

We hung out for the rest of the day. Libby was scheduled to have a T ball game, but it was raining, and generally miserable all day. I loafed around and watched TV until four, and then we ran to the store.

Mike planned a wonderful dinner for me, fillet Mignon, grilled vegetable kabobs with mushrooms, zucchini, yellow peppers, and onions, and green bean casserole. He also made brownies for dessert. It was all very yummy.

Libby and Mike got me a purple ipod shuffle, but I knew on Saturday. Poor Lib could not help herself, and told me while I was doing her hair. Mike also took one of my mom's rings and had it sized for me. My dad gave it to my mom for a twenty fifth anniversary gift, and we also found out that we were having Libby. I am looking forward to wearing it.

I hope that all the mommies out there had a wonderful and relaxing day!

Kindergarten

Well as hard as it for me to believe my little girl starts kindy this fall. It seem like just yesterday she was born, and not soon after that we signed her up for preschool. Time really does fly, like my blog, a blink of time.

We have made the decision to send her to kindergarten at the school that she is currently at for preschool. They have a wonderful small kindergarten class, and the best teacher. It is from 8:30-2:30 every day. I do feel very guilty for sending her all day every day, but I have to commute to Athens to finish up my classes.

Our other choices were public kindy at the neighborhood school one block from our house, or to home school. The public school does not work, we would have to arrange transportation to and from school, and she would need to stay with a sitter on Monday and Wednesday when I go to school. I am just not ready for someone else to be taking her to school. The teachers their are also old, I had one of them for first grade. I just think that she would not be challenged enough. She is currently reading Dick and Jane books, and some other easy readers independently, and she has been doing some basic addition problems for the last few months. The entry skills for public kindy are what she was doing at when she turned four (colors, shapes, number and letter recognition, self responsibility).

I would love to drop everything, and home school her. I think that she could learn so much more at home, with us. I do not know if I would home school through high school, but I think during these early years it would be more stimulating educationally. I do worry though about the socialization factor. She is a very social kid, and I worry that by being home with me would hamper that. I know lots of home schooled children who are very social. Maybe it is the going against the grain that scares me. On a selfish note I really want and need to finish my education. I am so close, I only need 41 hours to graduate. I can finally see the light at the end. If I home school, I would need to take a break.

So, my baby starts real school this fall. I can remember my mom crying my first day, and me telling her it would be okay, that I would see her in a little bit. Bittersweet as that memory is, I can only imagine how she felt by the time I graduated high school. Time passes by to quickly. I wish I could bottle every ounce of five year old giddiness and optimism that bounces through our house each day.

AHA!

On Wednesday I went to Aha, the new children's museum in town with Lib and her class on their spring field trip. The museum is very nice (it would be nicer if they would have hired me instead of the lady with her master's to run it) and very much like the space for young children at Cosi.

I am sad though, the mother that had been giving us some problems before choose to not let her daughter go. They think the museum is "stupid" and the mom actually attempted to plan a field trip to the zoo on the same day. I feel bad for the little girl, the kids had so much fun just being together. I did however find out that the mom has been telling other parents in the class that Lib is a bad influence. I know that she is not, so I try not to worry about it too much. I really feel more badly for them. If she is doing this in Pre K what are the rest of their school years going to be like.

I have been working on school work a lot. I am currently creating a multimedia project for ninth graders covering the development of World War Two. They will have three compulsory assignments that must be completed, and three assignment of their choice to complete too. There will be over 15 things for them to choose from as learning activities. I just chuckle to think that I never will be able to do something like this when I finally have a job. In my other class I have to reflect on cultural diversity. I tend to be a fairly judgemental person, so this has been very enlightening for me.

If you are ever board search the paper clip project. Good things still happen in schools!

FLDS

I have been following the FLDS story that broke early last week in the news. If you have not seen this, a sixteen year old girl in Texas who is a member of this church that lives within a compound called 911 saying that she was abused. This sect has a long history of polygamy, and marrying girls within the church as young as fourteen.

The first thing I ask, is why anyone would want to have more than one wife. Seriously, I live with me, and who would want more that one of me.

All joking aside, the police came in and took custody of over 400 or so children. Our the Today show, Guy Choate, the director of Texas State Bar stated that over 300 attorneys donated their time to serve the children. "There is no way we can go child by child, time does not allow for that."

Now all of these children are living in a stadium, with out their parents, and basically the courts are saying they are not worth their individual time in court. This just baffles me. The state can go in and take all of them, based on a phone call from one individual, and instead of looking at them case by case, they are lumping them into one group.

I do not understand FLDS, or LDS for that matter. I thought this was the land of the free, and was our country not founded by people escaping religious persecution? If these states want to end underage marriage they need to raise the marriage age to 18. I pray no children have been abused in this case, and what ever happens is a good outcome for all involved. If these children truly were abused, how will the foster system of Texas ever help them adjust to mainstream life?

You always have one more chance to learn something new

If you have not heard of Randy Pausch you should. Mike lead me to a man that I can not just read enough about.

If you live in a family touched by cancer, you will want to read his story.

Randy, like my mom, has the undeniable will to live in the shadow of death. People like this give me the hope to know that their is beauty and life in all things.

http://download.srv.cs.cmu.edu/~pausch/

I pray each day for Randy, his wife Jai, and there three little ones.

My childhood dreams....

To be Mary Lou Retton. (My parents allowed me years of gymnastics lessons)

To teach and to be with children. (I get to do this each and everyday)

To be a Radio City Rockette. (Well, since I never grew past five foot, three inches, but some day I will make it to New York City!)

To be a mom. (I always wanted to be a mommy, and now I am, for better and for worse.)

If I know any thing, life is to short. Do not sweat the small stuff, and live each day to the fullest.

Weight Watchers Update

Well since March 24 I am down 5 pounds. I have actually stuck with the program. I am not very good about entering my points but I am acutely aware of how much I am eating.

I have also been walking around three miles Monday, Wednesday, and Friday mornings. I hope to add something Tuesday and Thursday nights soon. I wish I could do a gym membership but it is just not in the cards financially.

So there it is, no size change to report, but I think I may take my measurements to track those.

Best wishes to all others who are battling the bulge.

A weekend with purpose

On Friday Libby spent the night with Papaw and Mike and I went out to dinner at Olive Garden. It was nice to have some time just the two of us.

Saturday started off a little rocky, but by noon things were going well. Mike built a brick and river stone pad for the grill to sit on in what was my former herb garden that I never planted an herb in. I cleaned out the area around the cellar door which was long over do. It is a little nook and it was built up with leaves and dryer lint. Libby played outside well while we worked. We then headed out to the new home improvement store, Menard's. This place was huge, it makes Lowe's look like the corner hardware store. Best of all they have a covered garden center and it is set up so kids can play on the swing set displays. Libby and I played for about a half on hour and Mike shopped for sand and concrete.

Last night Melissa came over and we had fajitas, they were so good!

Marinate a flank steak in 1/4 vegetable oil, 1/2 cup of lime juice, 2 teaspoons of chili powder, 1 teaspoon of cumin, and three cloves of garlic.
Grill steak, a green pepper, a red pepper, sweet onion. Serve on flour tortillas with sour cream, cheese, and salsa. Goes great with a good bottle of wine!

Today Mike tilled the garden, and I cleaned out all of the flower beds. We also made three more stepping stones for a path in the yard.

Tonight we watched the Water House, it was a good story.

Right now I am off to do some homework, Libby is asleep, and Mike is switching from Star Wars #3, Keeping up with Kardashians, and Lord of Rings Return of the King.

Have a great week all.

Spring Quarter

I sometimes feel that people look down on you for being a non traditional student. I also feel that going to school and getting a good education is the best thing that I can do for my family, and as an example to Lib. I give kudos to stay at home moms, but in all truth we could just not make it at this point if I was not working, and working towards something better. People tell me that we could cut back, and I am sure we could, I just do not think I would be happy if we could not have things like our Cosi membership, our one week a year at the Beach, and even having the money to go out of town to visit family and friends. I am too deep in the school loan cycle to not go to the finish line.

This quarter I am taking a cultural diversity class for educators, a computer technology class for teachers, and 19th century Latin American History. The cultural diversity class should be the most interesting. It really makes you question how you see yourself, and other people. Our first assignment was to reflect on our first experience that you recognized as being different than you. I remember visiting my mom's step sister in Columbus in the 1982, I was three. Her husband was black, but what I recall was his hair, not his skin. He had a huge Afro. I remember thinking how cool and puffy his hair was. It was not until several years later that I realized he was black. Many times we say that we do not see color. I think the world would be a much better place if we all saw color and embraced our differences as individuals and as groups instead of pointing them out.

Day one, week one down, eleven weeks to go....

If anyone was wondering Alvin and the Chipmunks was cute, oh and my neighbor has MRSA, I will be cleaning our house some more.

Blooms and Butterflies

Today we visited the Bloom and Butterflies exhibit at Franklin Park Conservatory. Mike's parents came down and we all went together. It was a surprise for his mom, and she really was surprised. The butterflies were just magical. Fluttering everywhere, landing here and there, and the beautiful coloring.





This Blue Morpho landed on Libby's coat and was content there for at least ten minutes.









The conservatory also had a train exhibit set in three climates the desert, the Himalayan mountains, and the rain forest. They had scale models of some of the most famous architecture in the world. We saw the Taj Mahal, the Great Pyramid, and my favorite Hagia Sophia, among others. Hagia Sophia was built by Justinian in Constantinople, and is one of the earliest Christian churches. Even after the fall of empire it was saved and used as a Mosque. Today it still stands as a museum. Although we are not Muslim I find true appreciation for the preservation of the building and the phenomenal blue mosaics inside.

We then traveled to a couple of tool stores that Libby and I suffered through. We did find some black granite to put in front of the fireplace. Now we just have to find a weekend to do it.

We then went to Hoggy's for a early dinner. If you have never been to a Hoggy's you should go. It is really good BBQ. Mike had brisket and I had pulled pork. The best part is the corn bread. I could eat that for dessert.

Now we are at home for a quiet evening to watch Alvin and the Chipmunks... which for the rest of you comes out on video this week.

A few of my favorite things

Soooo, Mike gave me Bare Esceuntuals make up for Christmas, you know the Bare Minerals stuff from the infomercial late at night. He picked mine up at Sephora at Polaris. I had asked for along with my super duper lighted tweezers, but I did not think he would really spend that on make up with out me there.

At first I did not like it. It takes a little while to get the technique down. Swirl, tap, and buff is not as easy at it looks. Fast forward three months later... I love it. It covers without being heavy, and it looks natural. Best of all it evens out my skin. I am doomed to break out for the rest of my life, after all my dad is sixty and still does. Imagine my excitement yesterday when I noticed that Target is now carrying the box sets! Hopefully I get some more party gigs soon so I can add to my collection.

In addition to my makeup love, I also love dressy Libby in cutesy stuff. Tomorrow I am going to attempt to construct her a pillowcase dress.



I have some great vintage Wizard of Oz fabric. I hope it turns out cute.


Also in my quest for cuteness I have renewed my love for smocked clothing. I figure I only have another year or so to dress her in this stuff, and the great part is, SHE LOVES THEM! Daddy does not, says they are dorky, oh well, I'm the one who buys most of his clothes any way.







All in all we are enjoying spring break. We are having a friend over to play this afternoon. I have most of the house clean. I hope it stays sunny so we can play outside. Tonight I am going to finish my lesson plans for the rest of the school year. I think I work at one of the few places that requires lesson plans a month at a time. In every public school it seems you can turn them in the week before, or even Monday that week. Since we do not make our own copies either it is nice that everything is done. My one complaint is I often over plan, and then I never get to the things I want to. Oh well, only nine weeks left.

Battle of the Bulge, Part Duex

Several months ago I posted that I was starting Weight Watchers again.... well that was a miss fire.

I started again this morning, and I have had a fairly good day. That was until we watched Modern Marvels, it was about Krispy Kream doughnuts. Now I am craving SWEETS!

I will subject myself to a public humiliation as a means of motivation.

Weight: Well you must think I am nuts if I am going to share that....
Height: 5'3"
Shirt Size: Large
Pants Size: 16 (oh my, I can not believe I just told the world that)

I also started working out this morning.

Wish me luck to overcome my cravings.