I'm scared...

But, I am putting on a brave face. We went to meet the teacher tonight and our new school. Our teacher was very nice and personable, and as the kiddo said, pretty.

But, all of the work that was placed out on the desk seemed easy, really easy. Now most of my teacher friends, would say "Wendy, you know all teachers review these first few weeks." and I know that. Her Language Arts textbook was full of things she learned and mastered in kindergarten. While I know that we made the best choice keeping her where she was last year, now I am worried she is too far ahead for this year. We talked a while tonight about how things may seem easy for her at first, and how no matter what she needs to do her very best.

Bored kids lead to mischievous kids.

Oh, and another thing, I am going to miss her. Really, really miss her. I don't know if it is because it is just the two of us. But I am sad. I heard parents talking about celebrating that their kids are going back. Honestly, I would rather have her with me. Sad, is it not?

So here is to a lot of praying for easy transitions, and a good school year.

Coupon Trip Pictures

Oh, and trust me, this is the only picture you will ever see of me in a swim suit!

Passing time

For the time being I am a non working mommy. I think this is the first time in six years that I have not had a part time paying job. Just because I am not working does not mean I am not busy. First and foremost I have really been enjoying spending time with Libby. We have been going to the pool, playing with friends, and just have a lot of girl time.

We took our "coupon trip" this week. She has been begging to visit Kings Island all summer. I price lined a hotel room in Cincinnati. We got the Sheraton for $50! This Sheraton had a CoCo Key in it. I found buy one get one free coupons, so we went to CoCo Key for $20 for the afternoon. The entertainment book had a coupon for the hotel restaurant so we had a great dinner too! We went to KI the following day and had a great time. My little girl has not inherited my thrill seeking ways. I talked her into going on the "Beastie" (I can not call it the Fairly Odd Coaster, just seems wrong). She screamed the entire time, and not the happy this is fun scream, the I am scared to death, I hate you for talking me into this mom scream.

I am working on the campaign full swing now. I need to order some signs, and start networking more. I plan on really diving into things once school starts.

I also am working on an idea for a (American Girl) doll tea. I want to call it Nan's Tea in memory of my mom, and donate the proceeds to charity.

Swim Team

The kiddo spent her first summer on the swim team at the pool we spend our summers out. I can not even begin to say how proud of her that I am. Not proud because she is a great swimmer, but proud of how she has grown as a little lady this summer.

There has not been one new experience that she has not struggled adjusting too since my mom died. She has always been a little clingy, but when Nan passed away she became much more so. She loves school, and dance, and gymnastics, but each of them has included tears, extra hugs and kisses, more tears, more hugs and kisses, and finally me pushing her into the room.

She cried the first day of swim practice... she was scared. There has not been one tear since unless she was hurt. This is a really big step in her really short life.

I am also very proud of the friends she choose to make on the team. She has befriended several very sweet little girls, and mostly on her own. No pushing from us to go talk to people. These may not be friends she always stays close with, but friends she will have each summer as they swim together.

Swimming is such a great sport for kids. She has learned to push herself, that is not about beating someone else or winning, but doing your best, what ever that may be.

Thoughts on this morning...

Mike and I are now ushers at church. I messed up one part, he did not. I am pretty sure God will forgive me this one time.

We did not have the usual sermon this morning, but a speaker from Gideon. You know the people that pass the little Bible's out and make sure there is one in every hotel room. I was really enjoying what he had to say. For a fleeting moment I even thought this is something Mike and I could do in the future. One of the really wonderful things about this organization to me is that the money donated only goes to Bibles. The representatives travel on their own dime. I will fully admit that when my daughter was handed a little Bible at the fair last year that I was a little dumb struck that they gave her one. After thinking about it, they just give you a Bible. There is no harm in that. There is none of the "come to our church, we have a young minister", or "our kids programs are the best, why would you want to go somewhere else?" evangelism involved. The stories that he had to tell in his fabulous Australian accent made it that much better. People coming to find the Lord as their savior all because of a little Bible they were given. That is powerful to me.

Then, he started talking about Muslims, and how we Christians are persecuted in Muslim countries because of our beliefs. While I agree that this happens, what about how we persecute Muslims in our own country. I live my life as a Christian, all of my imperfections are put out there for God, and most everyone else to see. I truly believe that we all worship one God. Whether we call him our God, Allah, Father, or Friend, the important thing is that we believe and that we live our lives as good people. I know that there are many who would not agree with me on this. I just feel that when we are teaching our children that one religion or another is bad and wrong, that we are teaching them to judge. Our judgement will come and it will not be from our neighbor, or the person in the pew next to us.

I'm kind of lonely....

After my husband being home with a year and being my constant companion, I am kind of lonely now that he is gone. I know, it is just for a week, and while I miss him, I am not yet longing for him to be home quite yet either.

If you know me in real life, I am not calling out for you to call me to hang out.

Our lives were so up in the air that I am just going to need time to adjust to this new normal.

Libby wants to order pizza, and I just may give in. Think of it as my reward for bathing the dog.

Where to start...

These first few weeks of summer vacation have been busy. I can not believe that it is July already.

10 years ago tomorrow Mike asked if I would marry him.... I said yes! We joked last year on our seventh anniversary that 7 to 8 needed to be better that 6 to 7. It has been a good year, minus all the things we continue to break :)

Libby has swim team Monday through Friday, and swim meets on Wednesday nights. Who would have thought that it seem to take over our lives some days. She is having so much fun swimming, making new friends, and building confidence that we do not care. She has place 4th four times, a couple of 8's and 9's, and one 12th. What I love best about swimming that it is not about beating or winning but improving yourself. We did have a rough spot last night when the third leg of her relay team refused to swim... Libby swam anchor and had her personal best. We then had to explain to her that they were disqualified because the other little girl would not swim. She is over it, but there were some tears and a new book involved to make her feel better.

I am taking an education class this summer. I am working on a research project about teacher's code's of ethics and how they have changed over time. I am focusing particularly on female teachers and how their roles and behavior expectations have changed through the course of public education in our country.

Mike is leaving on Monday morning for a week for training for his new job. While we are very excited, and I mean VERY! I am a little nervous about him being gone. I am perfectly capable of running the house I am concerned about who is going to clean up when the cats vomit and taking out the trash. Just kidding, well maybe, honestly, pathetically, in the almost eight years we have been married we have never been apart this long. Send him your prayers in first flight ever.

We went to a funeral on Wednesday for the father of our rector. Funny, even after being through the death of a parent myself I never know what to say. Mike, Libby, and I were talking about it, and it seems as Christians our goal is to live good lives as believers, and ultimately live our eternal lives in heaven. In this case it was the death of a gentle, kind, and caring man who lived a full 87 years. While I know his family is going to miss him, I also know they are rejoicing knowing that he is in heaven, and that they will be with him again some day. I need to get my thoughts together and find the appropriate words to put into a card without sounding so generic. Father Bill and family, if you would happen to read this I am thankful for your father's life. We will pray for all of you as you transition to earthly life without him. I thank your father for the wonderful lesson of love that he showed our family each week in church sitting with Billie, and the wonderful lesson that was shared during the funeral yesterday.

Have a happy and safe fourth!

Busy times

Libby's best "boy" buddy Dru.... she calls him Moo Moo for some reason?

Libby and Mrs. Kenney, her teacher at Kindergarten graduation!

The end of our school year was a sad time. It was Libby's last year at her wonderful school. Mike and I are saddened, but excited for new things for her all the same. It was also my last year teaching there. With some diligence, and the help of the good Lord I will be a college graduate this time next year.

In very important news, Mike was offered a job. He is to start July 6th. This really long year has helped us grow in many different ways. One of the most important things we have learned is that prayer does work, but the things that we pray for may not be the things we need. We are most certainly part of something much bigger. Someone asked Mike if we had grown this year, are reply is no, we have aged! Thank you for your prayers, and many kind words during this time. A million thank yous would never be enough. Continue to pray for Mike as he makes this huge transition from at home dad to working dad again, and as I make the transition from working mama to full time student looking for part time work mama.

We are still practicing our 30 day challenge which I need to update. I have a paper to write, so after that I will get busy.

Libby asked us today if squirrels have parties with music in the country when it rains. I often wonder about what she does not ask us that goes through her mind?

The news this morning

I may strike a nerve with some, but I need to share my thoughts about this Daniel living in Minnesota.  The Today show ran a story about a 13 year old boy who is no longer taking chemo therapy for non Hodgkin's lymphoma and how his mother is being sued.  I take this stuff personally for a plethora of reasons.  

So do you believe in quantity of life (taking the chemo) or quality of life (not taking the chemo)?  

I believe in both.  When chemo changes from providing quality time to quantity of time is when change needs to occur in my opinion. 

Monday Ramblings

I am in a slump.

I started shredding, but fell off the band wagon. Sorry Leia.

I love teaching, but I am SO READY for this school year to be over.

It may show in my work. 

I need to lose 100 pounds, yet I am sitting here munching on sweet and spicy snack mix from Target. 

Libby picked up a crayola side walk chalk paint sprayer tonight with the rest of her birthday money.  It is fairly neat, but I am glad it was on sale.  You dilute the paint before you put it in the sprayer which reminds me of a modified super soaker.  She had fun before bed time though.  

Mike went to the movies tonight to see Star Trek, he is a dork, I knew this before I married him.  After the movie he is picking up our neighbor from the airport.  They may have to move, which makes me panicked and sad, among other things.  

I am going to use the rest of my Monday night to aimlessly stair at the television.  

New Venture, New Blog

check out www.no2nightsalike.blogspot.com

I Shred

Or would be I shredded, shroud, hm mm, what would the exact term be? Pronunciation aside I pulled by chubby rear out of bed this morning and exercised with that scary fit lady Jillian.  It was HARD.  I cheated... not on all of it, but man that ab work was killer.  

I do not like to think of myself as fat, or even that really bad word, OBESE, like that mean mean Wii Fit tells me I am, just chunky, or as a dear co worker called me this week pleasantly plump.  The bottom line, I need to lose this weight.  I have tried hiding under a varied array of black clothes for about five years now, and I want to wear color again!  

All joking aside I need to lose around 85 pounds.  That would put me at 15o, a healthy weight for me.  So you do the math, and if you are a real life friend make now public acknowledgement of the fact you did the math.  

Now I am off to the hardware store to buy pad locks.  

Have a great weekend!

It is really about the little things

I am an avid blog reader.  I check in with my real Friends blogs, and cyber friend blogs everyday. Sometimes twice.  Some of my March mommy cyber friends I have now "known" since Libby was born.  The funny thing about blogs is that they can really give you an impression of their real life. 

For whatever reason I am also drawn to the blogs of complete strangers.  Many of these complete strangers have something going on in their life.  Usually the sickness of their child.  I read each day and ask the Lord to lift them in prayer.  

Right now I am following www.mycharmingkids.net and her son Stellan.  Go and read for yourself what this little guy has done to change the world in the sixth earthly months he has been here.  I also read the story of Audrey.  Audrey passed to heaven just hours after she was born.   www.audreycaroline.blogspot.com . These two children and countless others that I have read about over the years have taught me more about God's grace and the miracles he performs in this world than I could ever learn in church.  I remember some of these children's names like they are old friends.  Allie Scott, Ben Bowen, Emerald Mayes, Cheyene Fivash.  

In the real world I have a dear friend who's home was destroyed in a fire last week. We had a friend call today and his mom was diagnosed with colon cancer.  I spent the afternoon arguing with my husband.  

Life is such a gift.  I need reminded of it often.  I spent last night stewing because the dishes needed done, and the laundry needed done, and snack needed to be made, and none of it had been done.  Yet, all across the world there are simple reminders that we could miss of how God is working.  We are definitely part of a bigger plan.  Even if you do not believe in God, I think we could all agree that there is some higher power with a hand in all of this.  

The moral of the story... Don't sweat the small stuff. 

It must be something about the green shirt

Time: 3:15 am

Location: my street

I am trying to understand what happens on the first warm night of the year on my block that compels families to bring there domestic disputes outside in the middle of the night.  I like to think I am reasonable person, but nothing grinds my gears more that being woke out of a dead sleep by complete strangers sparring over their problems.  As I type this there is a cop, no check that, two cop cars parked outside my house because this people can not be normal and fight inside.  I did not call them this time.  I figure I better save those calls up for the really important stuff, I need FOP support for my campaign. 

Last summer we had some people two doors up that were prone to this.  They would sit outside and drink to the wee hours of the morning, and then fight.  These people actually scared me because it was often physical.  When it turned to that I would just call the cops and turn on the fans loud enough so it would not wake up the kiddo.  In June last year they were arguing in their back yard, she left, and the huge dog they had proceed to howl for thirty or so minutes.  I had had enough.  Being the middle of the night, and being in my obviously now special green t shirt that must give me super powers, I marched out back in nothing but the t shirt.  Yes, that it right folks, the t shirt and panties, and proceed to yell at this guy.  I do not even remember what I said, but I can tell you that it used several expletives in combinations that may or not exists in real slang.  (I normally do not cuss.... )  Needless to say the guy started coming over the fence toward me.  I ran in house and called 911!  

Tonight I am awoke by loud slams, and people yelling.  It took me a minute to get my bearings.  Then a car sped off.  I remembered the car, as it belongs to the kid we call Puggsley Addams (real name unknown, he and his sister looked like the kids from the Addams family when we moved in....) I thought he was in the army, and gone. Apparently not.  I gave it about five minutes to quiet down.  It did not.  I marched my self outside, and proceeded to yell up the block that they needed to be quiet, they woke my entire family, and that I was going to call the cops.  The funny part is, they actually heard me, and the adult of the situation told the girl who was still shrieking to quiet down because the neighbors were yelling out them.  I will point out that I do have shorts, and a bra on for that matter this time around.  

I truly believe that normal people keep their fights inside their house.  Just because it is above 55` at night I do not care that your baby momma has a drinking problem, that you are cheating on each other, or anything else for that matter.  Why people, WHY?

I have been asking Mike for years for a spot light, red laser pointer pen, and one of those amplified mega phone things.  For whatever reason he never gets those things for me.  Maybe I will market the neighborhood control kit for angry housewives!  I also have thought those night vision goggles from the toy department would be helpful too, I think they are called the bionic eye.  If nothing else works out in life for me I could at least be the neighborhood patrol.

It is now 4:00 am and all is quiet.  My adrenaline is down. Maybe I can get four good hours of sleep before it is time to start my day!  My green shirt and I are going back to bed. 

Because I am that mom!

Libby and Mommy at the last regular season game of the CBJ!  Stanley Cup here we come.

This is the same child that used to have naturally curly hair....

Prayers for the unemployed

I try not to take for granted that during this long time of unemployment for Mike that God has TAKEN care of us.  Our bills are paid, there is food on our table, and clothes on our backs.  There are so many in our situation who do not have the same fate.  

But, I am human, completely imperfect in so many ways.  This week I have been home on spring break.  I can joke and be light hearted, but I tell you, two adults being in this house all of time is hard.  I long for our old life back, as I am sure Mike does too.  I am looking forward to my last six weeks of the school year!

So join with me prayer for my dear, dear, husband, and all of the other mothers, fathers, sisters, and brothers that have found themselves in this unfortunate situation that things change for all of them soon.... I found these on our church's national website yesterday when looking for guidance....

Heavenly Father, we remember before you those who suffer want and anxiety from lack of work. Guide the people of this land so to use our public and private wealth that all may find suitable and fulfilling employment, and receive just payment for their labor; through Jesus Christ our Lord. Amen.

 (Anglican Book of Common Prayer)

O God, the Creator of all things, you have made us in your own image so that we may find joy in creative work: have mercy on all those who are unemployed, and those who find their work dull, especially for ___MIKE____. Help us to build a society where all may have work and find joy in doing it, for the good of our world and the glory of your name, through Jesus Christ our Lord. Amen.

O Saint Joseph, we pray to you for those who are out of work, for those who want to earn their living or support their families.

You who are the patron of workers, grant that unemployment may vanish from our ranks; that all those who are ready to work may put their strength and abilities in serving their fellowmen and earn a just salary.

You are the patron of families; do not let those who have children to support and raise lack the necessary means. Have pity on our brothers and sisters held down in unemployment and poverty because of sickness or social disorders. Help our political leaders and captains of industry find new and just solutions. May each and every one have the joy of contributing, according to his abilities, to the common prosperity by an honorable livelihood. Grant that we may all share together in the abundant goods God has given us and that we may help underprivileged countries. Amen.

I need to get myself together!

I have found that I have let things fall apart.  On a huge sense.  And it is driving me crazy.  

I wish that I was one of those super house keepers, but I am just not.  I have tried Internet groups, making lists, etc....  I knew things were close to rock bottom tonight when even my silverware draw is a mess.   This disorganization translates into every part of my life.  Today, when Lib flooded the toilet for the second time in a week I couldn't find extra towels to clean up... I could go on and on.  For quite some time I internally blamed by (house) husband for this.  "He is home everyday" he can take care of it, but he did not.  

My goals this week...

Sunday: Silverware  UPDATE! Done, but I did discover I need new liner paper stuff.

Monday: Underneath Sink

Tuesday: The cabinet over the commode

Wednesday:  The Laundry (realistically this could take two days)

Thursday: The Fridge

Friday:  This is a Holy Day, we are going to church and to Mike's parents!

As I sit here and drink yet another Coke, this is another goal this week.  I need to cut back to one a day.  The one I am drinking now is number 4 for Sunday.  I HAVE A PROBLEM!  I can not even imagine what drug addicts go through if I can not even get off the Coca Cola.  

So, I will update this week.  Hopefully something gets done.  

On on prayers front, keep them coming.  We still have not heard anything back, but we are optimistic that God will start providing Mike with a good opportunity soon. 

Thoughts and Prayers

Okay folks, our family needs some prayers, good thoughts, vibes, whatever it is you do.  

No one is sick or anything like that.  We have the potential for something good to happen!  

Thanks for remembering us!

How does your garden grow?

We spent most of the day out today getting some new seeds and working in the yard.  I finally wised up this year and had Mike save our used egg crates for planting.  I am  hoping these, along with the actual seed starting mix and the sunlight from my classroom windows helps these babies grow! 

This is the first year I have ever tried starting flowers for around the house from seed.  We picked out Larkspur and Baby's Breath for the flower beds out front, and some Shasta Daisy's for a couple of places in the back.  I am really hoping they take off, but if not I am only out around $3.00.  I love going to the green house, but with money being so tight I thought I would give it a try. 

I love heirloom seeds.  We have yellow and purple tomatoes this year and cucumbers.  There seems to be something more special about a yellow tomato!  This is also the first year we have tried onions.  Libby also picked out this neat sunflower fort thing... now we just need to figure out were to plant it.

In a greater effort to keep track of our progress I am going to used the blog to log growth.  

Enjoy this sunny spring weather!

Two years....

Today marks two years.  Two years since I have touched my moms fuzzy bald head, since I have heard her voice.  Two years....

The only thing that makes this easy is that I know she is living cancer free eternity in the heavenly kingdom and that I to will see her again some day.  

I miss her, a lot.  The tears stream down my face as I type this.  You are suppose to grow old with your spouse, but I always imagined growing old with my mom.  Libby and I talk a lot about growing old together.   

I will end this post with a narration of this day two years ago.  

                My hand touched the broken doorknob on the storm door like it had countless times before.  This time was different.  I was not in control of my hand.  An automatic response had taken over.  As my body was going through the actions my mind was in a completely different place.  I walked over the threshold into the living room.  The smell of stale urine and sickness filled my nostrils.  The sound of my sister weeping filled my ears.  I had prepared myself for this moment for seven months.  I had rehearsed the scene in my head over and over again deciding how I would react.  Now that I was living in the moment all I could allow myself was to stare.

                I walked over to the hospital bed.  My sister continued to weep, loud hiccuping sobs coming from deep within her.  “I’m sorry I didn’t wake up in time,” she choked out over and over again.  I reached out for my mother’s hand.  It was warm.  My heart filled with hope for a moment as I stared at her chest.  I was allowing myself to see it move.  I moved my hand to her wrist feeling for a pulse.   I knew then it was over.  I laced my fingers through hers and sat on the edge of the bed.

                I do not know how long I sat there.  It seemed like hours, but I know it could have only been a  minutes.  I could not take my eyes from her.  The fuzz that covered her head was sticking up like newborns after they first enter the world.  Her face was swollen and from months of steroid use.  Her eyes were closed.  Dark blue and gray shadows encircled them from months waging a war within her body and mind.  I reached out to touch her face.   She was so completely still.  If I would not have known the truth, I would have thought she was asleep.  

                The silence was replaced by the front and rear doors opening at the same time.  Two nurses and my father converged upon the cramped living room.  My dad boomed, “Well?”  One nurse used her stethoscope to listen to my mother’s chest as the other nurse comforted my sister.  “She’s gone,” the nurse said.   My sister cried harder, my dad left the room; I took my place at the head of her bed.  We all stood in silence.  I felt like I should be crying or angry, just feeling something, anything.  I could not. 

My dad came back into the house, not crying, but angry.  “She was awake at six o’clock when I left for work.  How did this happen so quickly?”  I suddenly remember feeling so aware that she was all alone when she died.  It was not part of my plan.  I was supposed to be there holding her hand, helping her move on to the next place.  I was suddenly  overcome with a sense of betrayal that my plans were not playing out the way I had intended.                

                The nurses donned plastic gowns and prepared to bathe my mom.  My feet would not allow me to move from the head of the bed.  Like a guard watching my post, I did not move.  They filled a yellow basin with warm water.  They undressed her and covered her with a quilt covered in pink ribbons.   The carefully washed her from head to toe.  When they were washing her legs, I could not take my eyes from the blue and purple mottled spots that covered them. 

My mom’s closest friend arrived while they were bathing her.  No one had called her.  She knew that she needed to come .   Her friend asked to put lotion on her.  I watched as one last gift of kindness was shared as she tenderly rubbed lotion onto her body.   The nurses dressed her in a new blue nightdress that I had purchased the week before.  They had to cut the back open to fit over her now stiff head that was determined to stay tilted to her right shoulder.  Once they were finished, they covered her with the afghan that had once been my great grandmother’s.  They placed her hands together over the blanket.  She now looked like every other dead person that I had ever seen; only she was my mom.

                For the next hour family came in the house as we waited for the staff of the  funeral home to arrive.  Her brother and sister-in-law, her great aunt, and her stepmother sat with her, held her hand, and somberly said their goodbyes.  My father has never been an affectionate man, but he stood next to me and rubbed the top of her nearly bald head for a long time. 

                The black hearse pulled into the driveway.   As the two men walked to the house, a wave of amusement bubbled within me.  Life is a series of occurrences, some of them memorable, some not.  The man that had come to collect my mother’s body was the same boy that I had shared my first kiss with in school yard fifteen years before.   I wanted to ask him if he was as struck by the oddity of it as I was.  I did not though.  It would have not been appropriate.  

                The men moved her from the bed to the gurney.  The sound of the zipper made my stomach churn.  My dad had to leave the room.  He asked them not to cover her face.  I watched them place her body in the back of the hearse and drive off.  As quickly as everyone came into the house, they left.  I was completely alone, and she was gone.