Library time.

Libby and I walked to the library this afternoon to return and restock.

Last month I read Nineteen Minutes by Jodi Picoult, and The Boleyn Inheritance by Phillipa Gregory. Both were very good. For this month I have two more Phillipa Gregory books, The Other Boleyn Girl, and The Constant Princess. (When I am not reading the heinous Sociology text that I should be.)

Libby has been into fiction a lot lately. Today we checked out Wind In the Willows, and the Tale of Peter Rabbit. She is reading on her own more now, mostly Dick and Jane, and the dreaded BOB books. She has also been reading a Scooby Doo phonics pack. My main complaint with the "character" themed reader packs is they often have huge words that are not appropriate for five and six year olds to sound out.

Apples, Apples, and more Apples

On Sunday we went to the Apple Orchard after church. One peck of apples was six dollars. We thought this was a good price. One peck is around 25 -30 apples. We have been making applesauce. This stuff is heavenly.

Crock pot Applesauce (borrowed from a fellow blogger)

10 apples peeled and sliced
1 cup of sugar
1 teaspoon of cinnamon
1/2 cup of water

Place all ingredients in the crock pot. Cook on low 8-10 hours, or on high 3-4 hours. Drain, I used our colander, put in bowl and mash. Place into containers refrigerate or freeze.

I used Cortland Apples, which the orchard guy referred to as utility apples. These proportions were right on for flavor. I would use less sugar for sweeter apples like McIntosh or Red Delicious and more sugar for Granny Smiths. Warning, it does turn brown, but it is the best applesauce we have ever had.

Enjoy!

11 years

Mike and I met 11 years ago in Athens on September 13. We walked along the Hocking River and went out to dinner at Bob Evans. I was 17 and he was 20. Thinking back to how young we were I am amazed at how we have grown up together. It was not love at first site, but a great friendship that grew into love, and has lasted now for all of these years. We have been together longer than some people that have already married and divorced.

We were talking the other night about our 7th anniversary in a couple of weeks and the "7 year itch". Is it from 6-7 that things are supposed to be bad or from 7-8? I hope it is 6-7 for us because this has been one heck of a year. All things relative it could always get worse but lets hope it does not.

Mike, I know you read this.... first let me thank you for putting up with my spoiled selfish ways, always encouraging me, and being my best friend, closest confidant, and my love. Thank you for always being yourself, being kind to others, and being the man that I love. We have seen how the loss of your love takes a toll on a life. I hope that we have many more years to grow, and grow older together. It may not always be that butterflies in the stomach kind of love, but love none the less. Always know that my heart belongs to you.

Busy, busy, times

I check my blog, and everyone elses daily, but I am just now finding the time to write. I would love to post some pictures as Libby is now without her two front teeth, but alas the computer is on the fritz and anything I try to plug into it rejects for various reasons.

Teaching is now in full swing. I have 11 students in my M/W class, and 17 in my T/Th class. On a whole M/W is a little more quiet easier to handle than the other, but that may change over time. I do have one student who is allergic to all nuts, eggs, and dairy, and my main concern is him not coming in contact with any thing he should not. I am able to check things, but since most things have one of those ingredients I have to be extra careful at snack time. We had applesauce and raisins today. SAFE.

I started school on Monday. It is a busy schedule. I am gone three nights a week. While I am sad that this latest job offer Mike received is not going to work for our family for a large number of reasons, I am glad that he is home with Libby on those nights. If he would have accepted she would have been with a sitter three nights a week. That is not how we work, and not what any of us would have wanted.

Some funny things I realized today. People with really long toe nails gross me out. There was a lady in front of at the Student Services desk today, and her toenails were longer than my finger nails, and pointy. It gave me the creeps. You must understand that I come from a ugly feet family. We called my mom eagle toes, but they were never that long, and that pointy. They were also pink. I was compelled to offer a stranger nail clippers.

Also, why is that smokers must run outside and light up for three minutes on class breaks. Granted I am not a smoker and I fully admit extreme bias, but seriously, can you not wait until class is over. Two times today I suffered sitting in close contact with people who smelled like a chimney.

Hope all is well with my blogging friends!

I think it is me.

After looking inward I have came to the conclusion that I expect to much from others.

My own husband has often accused me in the past of putting others first. Not intentionally, but many times when it has come down to former dance students, or classroom activities I will go above and beyond to satisfy the needs of others.

I try to live my life by treating others in the same way that you would want to be treated. In our world many people no longer live in this manner. We have shifted to "get ahead, at all costs" mode not caring who we throw under the train in our way.

This week I hope to always try to put others before myself. I want to set the example for my daughter, and for others. I may continue to get hurt in the process, but I am still fighting the good fight.

Fireflies and moonlit summer nights.

We have been very busy this summer doing not much of anything, the way a summer should be in my opinion.

We spent the 4th of July by watching the parade from the steps of St. John's in a light drizzle. The 4th in Lancaster is always a wonderful day, rain or not. We came home from the parade, took a mid afternoon nap, and the skies cleared for an explosive finish to the evening. We sat in are usual spot with good friends and took in the celebration. We do think often enough of how we got to this point in our history, and many Americans have forgot their eighth grade history lessons. Imagine the feelings of our framers on that first day of Independence.

We spent the next two weeks at the pool for swim lessons. Libby learned the American crawl, dolphin kick, basic diving, and the back stroke. As usual we did not see much progress during lessons, but now that it is the end of July she is doing very well mastering her skills.

We have participated in the Lancaster Festival. We started by doing some Italian Street Painting, we went to the Art Walk with some good friends, volunteered at Festival Fair Day, saw Circus Boy, Pirates, and a master yo-yo'er (is that how you spell that), Zoso-The Ultimate Led Zeppelin experience, and we rounded out the ten days with a Kenny Loggins concert underneath a beautiful sky last night.

God created magic in the clouds in the distance showing the awe of lighting through huge cumulonimbus clouds. Nature is full of surprises and beauty but it was breathtaking to watch the clouds light up.

Not to much else to report for the family. We continue to pray that suitable employment will become available for Mike soon.

Summer is over half way over... catch some fireflies, swing high with your eyes closed, and play after dark.

30 Days

I am a fan of Morgan Spurlock, and of his thirty days series. The most recent episode on gay parenting and gay adoption rights really struck a nerve with me.

Personally I attend a conservative church... yet nationally this church is attacked because of its openly gay bishop. I do not believe in legislating morals of the American people. Morals are a personal choice.

The opposition of the show, Kati, a Mormon from California really shocked me. People like Kati make me sad to be a Christian. I believe that God does not intend us to judge others, the judgement will be left when we meet him (or her for that matter). This married mom, who adopted her own two children does not believe that gay and lesbian families/couples/people should be allowed to adopt, or have children. She believes that God told her that this is wrong, and that children living in these homes will be prone to accepting homosexual tendencies.

I sit here in my quiet house and think about all the children world wide that need families, that need a parent, two parents, grandparents, any parents. How could someone keep children from having a family. As taboo as homosexuality still is for many, what gives us the right to judge.

Some feel that the American family is being attacked. I have news, the change has already occurred. Millions of children live with one parent, with extended family, and all of the children being raised in foster care. They need loving caring families, straight, gay, who cares a family is a family. In is not 1950 any more.

Kati if you are out there... I am sorry that you did not learn any thing from your thirty days. You just gave LDS a bad name in my eyes.

Struggling

I am struggling on many different levels.

I am struggling with my faith. I feel strongly that we need to attend to church as a family. We have found a nice church that I think we all enjoy attending. I went to church growing up and I think it was one of the best influences that kept me out of trouble during my teen years. The problem is that I struggle with God. For the longest time I was so angry with God because he made my mom sick, and he took her from me to soon. I then could not believe that a God that I believed in could make my mom so sick, and that she would suffer so long. I knew that it could not be him, but some other large universal force that rules our environment.

Now that Mike lost his job I am struggling again. I understand that things just happen. I have prayed to God each day that he guides us and that we are taken care of, and that Mike gets a job soon. It has been three weeks and I feel like we are going no where fast. I fall back in that pattern that nothing good is going to happen for us, ever. But, I know that it will. God provides for us.

I am thankful for...

My husband. He loves me, unconditionally, he is kind, thoughtful, funny, and even after eleven years my hand falls easily into his like it did the first time. I can not imagine walking through life with anyone but him.

My daughter. God has given us the most precious gift in the form of a beautiful, healthy, intelligent, and vibrant little girl. I thank him for her everyday.

Our life. We have a good life. I get wrapped up in material things I do not need, but I still have. Our house, our car, my coach purses, clothes, all these things I do not need, but I still have. It is so easy to be consumed by materialism in this global who's who world that I live in. Sometimes it is necessary to reflect on all that you have, and think about that many that have nothing at all.

So pray for me. Pray that I keep my faith with God, and that I find peace with all that I have, and to not want more than we need.

Busy Times

Summer is finally here and we have been busy.



Libby had dress rehearsal and her recital last week. She did an excellent job and was very cute up on stage.











We have been spending some time at the pool which has been fun. Libby remembered how to swim again after a few days and has been having fun with her pool friends. They are finally using the pool heater so the water is not ice cold.

She also got her first real haircut. We have had it trimmed several times a year since she is three, but in celebration of the Kit movie (American Girl) she decided that she wanted a Kit hair cut! It is very cute and will be great for summer. She looks so grown up.

In other news Mike's job search is going well and he has several good interviews. I have been very busy with school work, and the quarter is over on Friday. I can not wait for a week off.

Backyard Blooms

Our flowers and bushes are finally starting to bloom in the backyard. I wish you could add smell to a blog, because this is the one time of year our yard smells glorious.

Mike got me the Lilacs for an Easter present the first year that we were in the house. My how they have grown... I will miss them when we eventually move.

These other two are kind of funny. When we first moved in it was November, and when spring came things that appeared to be weeds sprouted up everywhere. Finally after a year of mowing plants down the neighbors clued us in that they were actually nice perennials.

This is our peony, no smell, but pretty pink blossoms.

This last one is an Old Fashioned Rose. It only blooms once a year in late May/early June, and it only lasts for two weeks, but oh my.... it smells heavenly. One of the best parts is that the petals are heart shaped. We try and dry some every year. If I could bottle the smell and sell it I would. It is a pure rose smell....

Today was my last teaching day for the year. As much as I love to teach and love the kids, I am glad the year is done. Because of our situation I may have to get a summer job, but I am going to enjoy the next few days off.

What are we teaching our children?

Last night during the t ball game a child from the other team called Mike big and fat during the game. Now with all do honesty Mike is a big guy, that is a fact, but in the same breath a child of five or six years age should know that it is not okay to call people names. Earlier this week I had a daycare child from Libby's school tell me that I was fat when I was dropping some papers off to a fellow teacher. I brush these thing off as the brutal truth from the mouths of babes. Mike and I could stand to lose a few pounds. We gently corrected both children telling them it is not nice to call names and left it at that.

I just do not think it is okay to encourage labeling and name calling. It causes nothing but problems and hurt feelings. There were several larger children on the other team... what if that little girl tells them they are big and fat too. How is that going to make those kids feel. We have became a society focused on outward appearance, and less concerend with what is on the inside. I guess we can only start change from within our homes.

Random Ramblings

It has been such a busy week. Mike's job search is going well, and I have been doing some local networking for him. Sometimes it is truly about who you know. He had a phone interview on Wednesday, and he also has one Tuesday morning. We are both hoping that more calls start to come in after the holiday weekend.

Although I am not a fanatical Christian I do believe that God will take of us and provide for us. We are truly not given tasks that we can not handle. So keep those prayers and good vibes coming our way. I just do not think unemployment will cover the bills!

On Monday we had dance pictures. I adore Libby's costume this year, she looks like a little diva in it. I also am so very proud of her. She really "gets" dance and the routine this year and is one of the leaders in the class.

On Tuesday my students had their preschool graduation. They were very cute and did a good job. It was nice seeing all of the parents and getting to mingle afterwords at the cookie reception.

On Wednesday we had dance class and a t ball game. We were really wiped out by the end of the day. Our t ball team is doing well.

On Thursday Libby had her Pre K graduation. They did a good job for the first thirty minutes... when they started handing out the diplomas things started falling apart. If it would not ended when it did I think they would have been sword fighting with the diplomas. It is a really cute program about how they were a promise and how they could grow up to be anything. I still can not believe we are going to kindy this fall.

This last one is Libby and her dear friend Kayla. They had a mock sleepover last weekend and had such fun. It is neat to see them make good friends at this age!

We are working tomorrow. A big HAPPY BIRTHDAY to HAILEY! Sorry we can not make it over guys. I hope the party goes great.

On Sunday Maia and Christopher are coming to play while Mike's brother and his wife celebrate their anniversary. I am hoping it is warm enough to head out to the pool.

It was the best, no scratch that, it was the worst of times and they march on and on...

For those of you who know me in real life you know that for the most part the last five years of our life have been good years, overshadowed with very miserable things.

Today marks the two year point of the last time my mom really felt good. We were arriving in Hilton Head, and although she was tired, we had a good time. Weeks after we came home the cancer that had spread to her brain started to take over.

Last spring she passed away. I really thought this was to the low point for our family. Things could only get better from there, right?

Mike has known that there was a possibility of his office closing, and has been looking on and off for a job for over a year. What he has been offered he has been over qualified for, and it has not paid at least what he is making now.

The new dilemma is two weeks from yesterday, Mike is officially unemployed. I have to believe that everything will be okay. Unfortunately reality is a much more frightening world that I would rather not be living in.

So pray, chant, light a candle, what ever your choice of bringing on goodness may be for us. I really did not think things could get worse.

(And, thanks for reading my little Saturday morning ode to self pity.)

Mother's Day

Yesterday was a pleasant and quite day. I did not feel that well, and I actually feel worse today.

Mike made me an everything bagel with garden vegetable cream cheese for breakfast, and he and Libby served me, and even allowed me to choose what we were going to watch.

We hung out for the rest of the day. Libby was scheduled to have a T ball game, but it was raining, and generally miserable all day. I loafed around and watched TV until four, and then we ran to the store.

Mike planned a wonderful dinner for me, fillet Mignon, grilled vegetable kabobs with mushrooms, zucchini, yellow peppers, and onions, and green bean casserole. He also made brownies for dessert. It was all very yummy.

Libby and Mike got me a purple ipod shuffle, but I knew on Saturday. Poor Lib could not help herself, and told me while I was doing her hair. Mike also took one of my mom's rings and had it sized for me. My dad gave it to my mom for a twenty fifth anniversary gift, and we also found out that we were having Libby. I am looking forward to wearing it.

I hope that all the mommies out there had a wonderful and relaxing day!

Kindergarten

Well as hard as it for me to believe my little girl starts kindy this fall. It seem like just yesterday she was born, and not soon after that we signed her up for preschool. Time really does fly, like my blog, a blink of time.

We have made the decision to send her to kindergarten at the school that she is currently at for preschool. They have a wonderful small kindergarten class, and the best teacher. It is from 8:30-2:30 every day. I do feel very guilty for sending her all day every day, but I have to commute to Athens to finish up my classes.

Our other choices were public kindy at the neighborhood school one block from our house, or to home school. The public school does not work, we would have to arrange transportation to and from school, and she would need to stay with a sitter on Monday and Wednesday when I go to school. I am just not ready for someone else to be taking her to school. The teachers their are also old, I had one of them for first grade. I just think that she would not be challenged enough. She is currently reading Dick and Jane books, and some other easy readers independently, and she has been doing some basic addition problems for the last few months. The entry skills for public kindy are what she was doing at when she turned four (colors, shapes, number and letter recognition, self responsibility).

I would love to drop everything, and home school her. I think that she could learn so much more at home, with us. I do not know if I would home school through high school, but I think during these early years it would be more stimulating educationally. I do worry though about the socialization factor. She is a very social kid, and I worry that by being home with me would hamper that. I know lots of home schooled children who are very social. Maybe it is the going against the grain that scares me. On a selfish note I really want and need to finish my education. I am so close, I only need 41 hours to graduate. I can finally see the light at the end. If I home school, I would need to take a break.

So, my baby starts real school this fall. I can remember my mom crying my first day, and me telling her it would be okay, that I would see her in a little bit. Bittersweet as that memory is, I can only imagine how she felt by the time I graduated high school. Time passes by to quickly. I wish I could bottle every ounce of five year old giddiness and optimism that bounces through our house each day.

AHA!

On Wednesday I went to Aha, the new children's museum in town with Lib and her class on their spring field trip. The museum is very nice (it would be nicer if they would have hired me instead of the lady with her master's to run it) and very much like the space for young children at Cosi.

I am sad though, the mother that had been giving us some problems before choose to not let her daughter go. They think the museum is "stupid" and the mom actually attempted to plan a field trip to the zoo on the same day. I feel bad for the little girl, the kids had so much fun just being together. I did however find out that the mom has been telling other parents in the class that Lib is a bad influence. I know that she is not, so I try not to worry about it too much. I really feel more badly for them. If she is doing this in Pre K what are the rest of their school years going to be like.

I have been working on school work a lot. I am currently creating a multimedia project for ninth graders covering the development of World War Two. They will have three compulsory assignments that must be completed, and three assignment of their choice to complete too. There will be over 15 things for them to choose from as learning activities. I just chuckle to think that I never will be able to do something like this when I finally have a job. In my other class I have to reflect on cultural diversity. I tend to be a fairly judgemental person, so this has been very enlightening for me.

If you are ever board search the paper clip project. Good things still happen in schools!

FLDS

I have been following the FLDS story that broke early last week in the news. If you have not seen this, a sixteen year old girl in Texas who is a member of this church that lives within a compound called 911 saying that she was abused. This sect has a long history of polygamy, and marrying girls within the church as young as fourteen.

The first thing I ask, is why anyone would want to have more than one wife. Seriously, I live with me, and who would want more that one of me.

All joking aside, the police came in and took custody of over 400 or so children. Our the Today show, Guy Choate, the director of Texas State Bar stated that over 300 attorneys donated their time to serve the children. "There is no way we can go child by child, time does not allow for that."

Now all of these children are living in a stadium, with out their parents, and basically the courts are saying they are not worth their individual time in court. This just baffles me. The state can go in and take all of them, based on a phone call from one individual, and instead of looking at them case by case, they are lumping them into one group.

I do not understand FLDS, or LDS for that matter. I thought this was the land of the free, and was our country not founded by people escaping religious persecution? If these states want to end underage marriage they need to raise the marriage age to 18. I pray no children have been abused in this case, and what ever happens is a good outcome for all involved. If these children truly were abused, how will the foster system of Texas ever help them adjust to mainstream life?

You always have one more chance to learn something new

If you have not heard of Randy Pausch you should. Mike lead me to a man that I can not just read enough about.

If you live in a family touched by cancer, you will want to read his story.

Randy, like my mom, has the undeniable will to live in the shadow of death. People like this give me the hope to know that their is beauty and life in all things.

http://download.srv.cs.cmu.edu/~pausch/

I pray each day for Randy, his wife Jai, and there three little ones.

My childhood dreams....

To be Mary Lou Retton. (My parents allowed me years of gymnastics lessons)

To teach and to be with children. (I get to do this each and everyday)

To be a Radio City Rockette. (Well, since I never grew past five foot, three inches, but some day I will make it to New York City!)

To be a mom. (I always wanted to be a mommy, and now I am, for better and for worse.)

If I know any thing, life is to short. Do not sweat the small stuff, and live each day to the fullest.

Weight Watchers Update

Well since March 24 I am down 5 pounds. I have actually stuck with the program. I am not very good about entering my points but I am acutely aware of how much I am eating.

I have also been walking around three miles Monday, Wednesday, and Friday mornings. I hope to add something Tuesday and Thursday nights soon. I wish I could do a gym membership but it is just not in the cards financially.

So there it is, no size change to report, but I think I may take my measurements to track those.

Best wishes to all others who are battling the bulge.

A weekend with purpose

On Friday Libby spent the night with Papaw and Mike and I went out to dinner at Olive Garden. It was nice to have some time just the two of us.

Saturday started off a little rocky, but by noon things were going well. Mike built a brick and river stone pad for the grill to sit on in what was my former herb garden that I never planted an herb in. I cleaned out the area around the cellar door which was long over do. It is a little nook and it was built up with leaves and dryer lint. Libby played outside well while we worked. We then headed out to the new home improvement store, Menard's. This place was huge, it makes Lowe's look like the corner hardware store. Best of all they have a covered garden center and it is set up so kids can play on the swing set displays. Libby and I played for about a half on hour and Mike shopped for sand and concrete.

Last night Melissa came over and we had fajitas, they were so good!

Marinate a flank steak in 1/4 vegetable oil, 1/2 cup of lime juice, 2 teaspoons of chili powder, 1 teaspoon of cumin, and three cloves of garlic.
Grill steak, a green pepper, a red pepper, sweet onion. Serve on flour tortillas with sour cream, cheese, and salsa. Goes great with a good bottle of wine!

Today Mike tilled the garden, and I cleaned out all of the flower beds. We also made three more stepping stones for a path in the yard.

Tonight we watched the Water House, it was a good story.

Right now I am off to do some homework, Libby is asleep, and Mike is switching from Star Wars #3, Keeping up with Kardashians, and Lord of Rings Return of the King.

Have a great week all.

Spring Quarter

I sometimes feel that people look down on you for being a non traditional student. I also feel that going to school and getting a good education is the best thing that I can do for my family, and as an example to Lib. I give kudos to stay at home moms, but in all truth we could just not make it at this point if I was not working, and working towards something better. People tell me that we could cut back, and I am sure we could, I just do not think I would be happy if we could not have things like our Cosi membership, our one week a year at the Beach, and even having the money to go out of town to visit family and friends. I am too deep in the school loan cycle to not go to the finish line.

This quarter I am taking a cultural diversity class for educators, a computer technology class for teachers, and 19th century Latin American History. The cultural diversity class should be the most interesting. It really makes you question how you see yourself, and other people. Our first assignment was to reflect on our first experience that you recognized as being different than you. I remember visiting my mom's step sister in Columbus in the 1982, I was three. Her husband was black, but what I recall was his hair, not his skin. He had a huge Afro. I remember thinking how cool and puffy his hair was. It was not until several years later that I realized he was black. Many times we say that we do not see color. I think the world would be a much better place if we all saw color and embraced our differences as individuals and as groups instead of pointing them out.

Day one, week one down, eleven weeks to go....

If anyone was wondering Alvin and the Chipmunks was cute, oh and my neighbor has MRSA, I will be cleaning our house some more.

Blooms and Butterflies

Today we visited the Bloom and Butterflies exhibit at Franklin Park Conservatory. Mike's parents came down and we all went together. It was a surprise for his mom, and she really was surprised. The butterflies were just magical. Fluttering everywhere, landing here and there, and the beautiful coloring.





This Blue Morpho landed on Libby's coat and was content there for at least ten minutes.









The conservatory also had a train exhibit set in three climates the desert, the Himalayan mountains, and the rain forest. They had scale models of some of the most famous architecture in the world. We saw the Taj Mahal, the Great Pyramid, and my favorite Hagia Sophia, among others. Hagia Sophia was built by Justinian in Constantinople, and is one of the earliest Christian churches. Even after the fall of empire it was saved and used as a Mosque. Today it still stands as a museum. Although we are not Muslim I find true appreciation for the preservation of the building and the phenomenal blue mosaics inside.

We then traveled to a couple of tool stores that Libby and I suffered through. We did find some black granite to put in front of the fireplace. Now we just have to find a weekend to do it.

We then went to Hoggy's for a early dinner. If you have never been to a Hoggy's you should go. It is really good BBQ. Mike had brisket and I had pulled pork. The best part is the corn bread. I could eat that for dessert.

Now we are at home for a quiet evening to watch Alvin and the Chipmunks... which for the rest of you comes out on video this week.

A few of my favorite things

Soooo, Mike gave me Bare Esceuntuals make up for Christmas, you know the Bare Minerals stuff from the infomercial late at night. He picked mine up at Sephora at Polaris. I had asked for along with my super duper lighted tweezers, but I did not think he would really spend that on make up with out me there.

At first I did not like it. It takes a little while to get the technique down. Swirl, tap, and buff is not as easy at it looks. Fast forward three months later... I love it. It covers without being heavy, and it looks natural. Best of all it evens out my skin. I am doomed to break out for the rest of my life, after all my dad is sixty and still does. Imagine my excitement yesterday when I noticed that Target is now carrying the box sets! Hopefully I get some more party gigs soon so I can add to my collection.

In addition to my makeup love, I also love dressy Libby in cutesy stuff. Tomorrow I am going to attempt to construct her a pillowcase dress.



I have some great vintage Wizard of Oz fabric. I hope it turns out cute.


Also in my quest for cuteness I have renewed my love for smocked clothing. I figure I only have another year or so to dress her in this stuff, and the great part is, SHE LOVES THEM! Daddy does not, says they are dorky, oh well, I'm the one who buys most of his clothes any way.







All in all we are enjoying spring break. We are having a friend over to play this afternoon. I have most of the house clean. I hope it stays sunny so we can play outside. Tonight I am going to finish my lesson plans for the rest of the school year. I think I work at one of the few places that requires lesson plans a month at a time. In every public school it seems you can turn them in the week before, or even Monday that week. Since we do not make our own copies either it is nice that everything is done. My one complaint is I often over plan, and then I never get to the things I want to. Oh well, only nine weeks left.

Battle of the Bulge, Part Duex

Several months ago I posted that I was starting Weight Watchers again.... well that was a miss fire.

I started again this morning, and I have had a fairly good day. That was until we watched Modern Marvels, it was about Krispy Kream doughnuts. Now I am craving SWEETS!

I will subject myself to a public humiliation as a means of motivation.

Weight: Well you must think I am nuts if I am going to share that....
Height: 5'3"
Shirt Size: Large
Pants Size: 16 (oh my, I can not believe I just told the world that)

I also started working out this morning.

Wish me luck to overcome my cravings.

Easter weekend

Jeez ignore my fat face....

Blessing to all on this Easter Sunday. Whether you are Christian or not it is time of figurative and literal renewal for all of us. Their are buds on the trees and tulips popping up around the house. Who cares if it is snowing.

We started our day by planning to go to one church, and then we ended up at another. We attend the Episcopal Church with our neighbors and it was very nice. The lady Libby and I set with was the oldest living member of the church, she was baptized there in 1921. I love spending time with older people as we do not have any living grandparents. We can learn so much from that generation.

After church we walked to Annie's Cheesecake and Tea Room (http://www.anniescheesecake.com/ ) for Easter Lunch. It is a cutesy place, but the food is the best. We feasted on potato casserole, blueberry french toast casserole, eggs, bacon, fruit salad, and Mike had more traditional Easter foods.

We walked a couple of sunny downtown blocks back to the car freezing our bare legs off and went for a little ride out into the country. We then returned home and watched movies and played Webkinz all afternoon. A relaxing day was had by all.

Yesterday morning we attended an Easter Egg hunt at the school. Libby had a good time with her friends, while the other moms and I chatted about the correctness of making a tomb out of paper plates. Some of my students were there too, which was okay. They are at the age where they still think I live at the school. We ran around yesterday afternoon, visited Pawpaw, and had yummy Chipoltle for dinner. Libby used some birthday money to buy American Idol for the Wii so we played that for several hours yesterday afternoon.

Friday night was the monthly girls night out! Yes, that is right folks... we go out once of month sans children and husbands. We ate dinner and had some drinks, and then ventured off to the Orange Carpet. I am glad to report that there is indeed orange carpet on the walls inside. I would not go out all of the time, but once a month is a nice break from the norm. We did not even feel bad doing jello shots on one of the most holy days of the year. Happy Birthday, Melissa!

Parenting...

Why is it that we are so judgemental of other parents? In the secret life of a mom I feel that many women judge others for varied reasons. They work, they stay at home, they are disciplinarians, they are not, they are trendy, they are not, the list could go on and on. I can share the silly joy that I felt when I saw one of those "perfect moms" from preschool that I never saw in an outfit more than once at the pool-- and gasp-- she had cellulite on her legs like the rest of us.

Yesterday we were in Wal Mart and Libby threw a fit. I do not tolerate fits in stores, and therefore we promptly left. Of course Libby was screaming at me like I was a child abductor as I was dragging her out of the store. I could feel the eyes of every mother, woman for that matter burning into my back as I triumphed in my own battle against misbehavior. Instead of feeling confident in my decision, I felt embarrassed. Why? Because they were staring at us.

This was a nice lesson for me, it is okay to discipline, too many parents do not these days, and I can deal with the embarrassment. I can not deal with a naughty sassy child in public, and that is okay.

On a better note, we were able to spend the better half of two hours playing outside this afternoon, and we are going to reattempt the shopping trip this evening. Thank you God for the sunshine!

Five Years....

My little girl turned five years old last week. It seems like just yesterday I was pregnant, and we started the whole process of becoming parents. After five years I have a walking, talking, READING, little thinker. I can remember what an acomplishment it was when at five weeks she held her head on her own, at five months when she was sitting up and teeth were erupting, and now we are at five years. Life truly does pass you by before you have a chance to blink.

We had a crazy and wild princess party to celebrate her special day! Lots of kids, an inflatable tunnel, tons of classic birthday party games. I thought it was nuts, but fun was had by all. Several of our good friends were able to make it too. Thanks for coming in guys if you read this.

With her birthday also comes some sadness. Tomorrow marks the first year since my mom died. How quickly this year has gone. Sometimes I still find myself wanting to pick up the phone to call her, just to hear her voice. As I reflect on five years of my child's life I wonder about the insight that she could give me about raising two girls into adulthood. If this experience has taught me anything it is never take for granted the people that you love. Whether that be family or friends life is too short to hold grudges for long. I am thankful for each day I had with my mom, and for the friendships that she passed on to me. Her dearest friend from childhood has become one of my dearest friends, and Libby's "Miss" Kathie. We may not have Nan anymore, but I am thankful for Kathie in our lives.

I am thankful for my friends for putting up with me. I am thankful for Mike, for his understanding, and for his unconditional love... I have not been an easy person to love this past year.

Oh, and a big public congrats to my dear friends in Utah that are going to be a mommy and daddy! We love you.

Lean and Green

As many families have found the need to make a change in their lives last month with New Year's Resolutions, as usual we are a month behind. Better late than never I hope.

On going green.... you know that it is time when your four year old is encouraging the move. We stopped using paper plates over a month ago. The increase in dishes has been rather unpleasant, but they eventually get done. Our next step is the "lightbulb". M finally committed to those yesterday. We are not going to replace them all at once, but as our current ones burn out. The recycling recepticle is being moved to the fine institution of higher learning that I loathe to still attend. It is my hope that with it being convienent that we are all more willing to recycle the plastics that we use. That would be a good start.

On going lean.... Today is the day, I hope that it is. I am going to log into Weight Watcher's once again and start. Facing the music stinks. We are bad models for dd. I do not want her to grow up a chubby little girl like I did, just to turn into a chubby little adult. We just need to eat better. On a personal level I need to give up soda. Coke. It is not even 8 a.m. and I am already craving the days first drink. If I am personally responsible and honest here I can be on the Points counting site too.

Tonights dinner: Broiled Turkey Tenderloin and Sweet Potatoes

Wow, how my life has changed...

It has almost been a year since I have posted a blog. I have done a couple on My space, but I am not sure how I feel about that.

I spent so much time writing about how unsure of what the future would hold, and now it is here. The worst that I could imagine happened, and amazingly we all continue to live through it. I can not say that I went through the experience of losing my mom unscathed, because that would be a complete and bitter untruth, but I think I have came out on the other end a better person for what I went through.

First and foremost everyone must understand that caring for a dying person is the hardest work that you will ever do. You know the outcome, and your love is like that of when you see your newly born child. You want to soak up every inch and detail of their face, their hands, and wrinkle, every mark, the imprint must remain in your memory. My mom, bless her heart, her head was so swollen, stands of strangely brown and gray hairs traced across her head. Her eyes, still the most beautiful blue that you will ever see had lost that sparkle. Wrinkles from age and illness danced around her eyes. Even across her face she developed a little monkey like fuzz, that I know would have bothered her if she had still cared about those things.

The last few days must have been so hard for her to internally deal with. We had to make so many difficult decisions to enable us to keep her at home. And oh, god, the last day. I had to give my mother a suppository. She was sooooo mad at me. That still races through my mind that that was the last thing that I did for her. She took some pain medicine shortly after that, the second time in that whole journey that she had done so, and drifted off to what would be her last night.

The following morning when I arrived at the house, I knew that it had not been long since she had passed. I could still feel her there if that makes any sense. She was still warm when I touched her hand. By the time Eric and Andy arrived to take her to the funeral home that warmth, presence I had felt was gone. It was a whirl wind after that. I felt like every trace, except for the smell, of her illness was removed from the house within a few hours. She was there, and then just like that she was gone.

Approaching four months after the fact I would say that we are all dealing in our own way. I hate pink ribbons. people who speak of the cure. I know that I should not feel that way, I do want women to live, I just wanted my mom to be part of that group that got to live too, she loved life.

We were at a wedding reception last night, and a Bob Seager song came on. Affected by way too many spirits, I just lost it. I had to leave the room. I was that sad drunk that I do not want to be. I wonder if I will be haunted by certain songs, smells, stores for the rest of my life or if those things too will pass?

Recipe Share... Chicken Pot Pie

We always crave homestlye food during the fall and winter months. This was super yummy!

Chicken Pot Pie, Paula Deen

1 10oz can condensed cheddar cheese soup
1 10oz can cream of celery
1/2 cup milk
1 chicken skinned cooked boned and cubed
1 medium onion diced
1 10oz package frozen green peas
3 carrots sliced cooked and drained
salt and pepper to taste
1 pastry for top and bottom, I used premade but I will include her recipe, I was tired after roasting and boning the chicken
Butter to dot Pastry

In a large saucepan, heat soups, and milk. Stir in chicken, onion, peas, carrots, salt and pepper. Cook until mixture boils. Remove from heat. Preheat oven to 350. Pour into pastry lined 13*9*2 inch baking pan. Cut Pastry top into strips and lay over filling in a lattice style. Dot with butter and bake for 45 mins until golden brown.

I used kroger brand frozen pie crust and it was very good, but here is her recipe.

3 cups all purpose flour
1 teaspoon of salt
1/4 teaspoon of baking powder
3/4 cup of Crisco shortening
Ice Water

Sift together flour and salt and baking powder. Cut in shortening with a pastry blender until pieces are the size of small peas. Sprinkle one to two tablespoons of ice water over the mixture. Gently toss with fork. Push to side of bowl. Repeat until all moistened. Form into two balls. Roll with floured rolling pins from center to edge to 1/8 inch thick.


Mike said this was the best recipe that I have tried lately. I did make it with full fat soups, but I think that next time I may low fat everything and see how it turns out.

Enjoy!

Long Time, No Blog

Life at our house has been on the busy side the past week. I have had tests in every class that I am taking, and I will have one each week until the quarter is over. Ugh.... only four weeks left to go.

This past week was our county fair, it is the last one of the year in Ohio. We have one of those picture perfect fair grounds, and the leaves are changing. It just means fall to me. Like a dodo I forgot the camera last Sunday. It was a beautiful day, and Libby was thrilled as we all rode the ferris wheel. Did you know that Mr. Ferris invinted the Ferris Wheel to out do the Eiffel Tower?

My aunt and cousin were in town, and we had lunch at the bead shop Tuesday. It was great to see them. My cousin has a beautiful little baby boy, Paul. He is just all cute and cuddly, and a happy little five month old. I was glad to see my aunt see my mom. We just do not know what the future holds. They have been through a lot together, and it warms my heart to see them together. I am hoping that my mom stays healthy to travel to their home in northern Minnesota this spring.

On Wednesday I came down with an ailment that I do not like to talk about. Ever since I was pregnant with Libby I have had issues with gout. Yes, I know only eighty year old fat men suffer from this, but I do too. It is rather embaressing. I had not had a flare up in two years until this past week. My left toe swelled to look like half of a brautwurst. It was painful and disgusting. I was so sick on Thursday that I could not get off the couch with out cold sweats and nasuea. Thank goodness Mike was able to retrieve my natrual remedy of organic tart cherry juice and it only lasted for a day. It is almost back to normal today with just a little discoloration.

Yesterday was very very slow at work. I worry about my job. I know that Kathie will not let me go until she has too, but still, I hate to see business so slow for her. My new hobby, polymer clay beads have been selling well though, so that is a nice ego boost. Kathie is my mom's best friend from high school. We can chat very candidly about life after my mom. I know that she does not read this, but I really can not express how much comfort that it is that I will still have a mom friend like person in my life after my mom passes on. Whether that is in a few months or a few years I know that she will be there.

Last night we enjoyed pizza and Papa's crazy football channel flipping at my parents house. My father flips like no other. At one time I swear we were watching two football games, one baseball, and a nascar race. We had fun, and I really enjoy those times with my mom.

Today we went to the pumpkin patch. It was fun, but I still am slightly disappointed that they did not have baby pumpkins.

This week we have a lot on tap too. I have tests Wednesday and Thursday. Libby has aquired her first fall cold, and yet she has her hayride at preschool on Thursday, I hope that she feels better by then. Thursday night, we are going to the Circleville Pumpkin Show. It is a huge festival, and always lots of fun. The OSU Marching Band is playing in the parade, so I am trying to prepare my self for crazy crowds. I am looking forward to it though, we all are going... Mike, I, Libby, my mom, AND MY DAD. For those of you who know me in real like this sadly is a big deal. I look forward to spending precious time together as a family and making good memories.

Ohhh, and Mike flies for the first time next Saturday! I am so excited (and a little nervous for him.) He is cashing in his flight lesson gift certificate from Christmas last year. I will remember the camera for this!

Busy times

In most recent news I just finished registering to take the ACT test. Yes, that same one we all took in high school, how embarassing it will be to walk in there in December, but it must be done. I need a 21, and I only scored a 20 way back in 1996 when I was a junior in high school. It was either retake the ACT, or pay the big bucks to take the PRAXIS one. I just saved myself $300.

Last weekend we went to an outdoor event at one of our local parks, it is called Frontier Spirit. I have been attending since I was in grade school. They recreate what Zane's Trace, and life was like in our community 150 years ago. I had some pictures of Mike and Libby in the stocks, I can not seem to find them.

I had two tests in my western civ class this week, we get the grades back on them tomorrow. I am nervous as some of the questions were rather abstract.

Friday was our anniversery. We spent a fun day at the zoo. We were so tired when we arrrived home that we cancelled our reservations to the really nice resturant and opted for Texas Roadhouse instead. The food was very good.

Saturday I worked, and then we went to my parent's house to watch the OSU vs. Iowa game. It was nice spending time with them and munching on snack food.

Sunday we cleaned the house and went to the park. The weather has been seasonably warm, and we have been trying to enjoy it as much as we can.

As I type poor Mike is trying to get some kind of deceased animal out of the engine block of his work car. All I can say is GROSS. I am glad that it is not I.

A few pictures for sharing

Broken, Not Broken

As the title says the dryer may or may not be broken. It is leaving small black "burn" like marks on our clothing. Mike took the dryer apart last night and thinks that he knows what the problem is. We also went shopping for a new dryer just in case. So time will tell if my "college boy" husband can do the repair. I mean that term lovingly, sometimes it just takes him more than one try to fix things, and that is okay. I hope that we do not have to purchase a dryer, I was starting to get my hopes set on new living room furniture, and Miss Lib needs a big girl bed. How much longer can she sleep in the toddler bed?

Yesterday was long and longer. I worked, and business was slow. I did complete my first wire wrap piece. I must say I think I did a pretty good job. I can not get a good picture of it, but I will post one soon. Libby and Nan however had a good time making crafts, and eating macaroni and cheese and peaches. I am thankful that Libby is getting to make these memories.

I work again today, and then after the OSU game we are meeting my parents for dinner at a nice little pizza place.

Tomorrow, if the rain ever stops, we are going to what is called Frontier Spirit at a local park. I have been going since I was a little girl. They do a reenactment of what life was like when the Fairfield County area was first being settled. It is a lot of fun, and a great local history lesson.

Have a great weekend all.

Autumn has arrived.

I have much to report on this chilly Thursday morning.

It has been an eventful week in the area of my mom's health. We met with a Neurosurgeon at OSU on Tuesday who strongly recommended Gamma Knife Radiation for the lesions on her brain. We came home Tuesday prepared to have Gamma Knife on Friday. She met with a Radiation oncology yesterday at OSU. After conferring they have decided that it is much too dangerous to perform the Gamma Knife, they are going to wait six weeks and have a new MRI to reevaluate the situation. I was not able to go with her yesterday because I let it slip that if I missed class I would be missing an exam, and being parents they both insisted that I attend class. I feel that I am at a cross roads. Does this mean that my mom is on the road to death? I am just not sure I how I feel about the entire situation. I am taking her lead, and we are just having lots of fun and more importantly living! I did share with her that I wanted to make sure that we were all making the best choices possible, and I know that our time together is limited, but I am not ready for her to go anywhere. I am very thankful that I able to talk candidly with her about this.

On a lighter note Libby shared with her dance teacher last night that her "dry erase markers where out of dry erase!" I got a good belly laugh out of this, as did my mom and the dance teacher. I am so thankful to have this beautiful little girl in my life.

This is the end of the third week of the quarter, Yeah! Time flies when you put off studying. I have three days of tests next week, so I do need to start cracking the books. I think that I may be making some head way on school and decision choices. I have a very high interest in getting my PhD in history. After meeting with my wonderful advisor, a women, she has me very motivated to achieve this goal. I always worry if some of things I aspire to do are realistic having a family. She said that it may take me longer, but it is definitely possible. Libby and Mike come first, always, as they should, I am not one of these career women who wants to work ninety hours a week. That is one reason being a professor appeals to me so much. It is very family friendly.

Well off to class. Have a great one.

A good time

Yesterday I worked, as I do every Saturday. It was a slow day, but I accomplished two repairs that I had been putting off. One was a branch coral necklace, and the other a seed bead necklace that was twenty two inches long. The latter took forever.

Last night I met my dear friend Shannon who is in from Florida. We, along with Libby, her mom, her brother, and her mom's "friend" went to a jazz festival in Granville. The music was excellent, and Libby scored free ice cream. I had made the poor girl wait until we ate dinner before she could have ice cream. We walked down to the frozen custard place immediately after finishing. The owner was standing at the end of the line saying that they were closed. I explained to her that they were closed and that mommy and daddy would take her out for ice cream tomorrow. Poor thing came unglued, who can blame her, mommy had made her wait two hours. The owner told us to hold on a second and went and made her a small cone, and would not let me pay. Needless to say Libby was content for the rest of the evening.

Today I have done the dishes, and scrubbed the kitchen. I admire those women who keep immaculate homes, as I do not. It is clean, but very cluttered. I tried starting Fly Lady, but it is just not for me. So for now, I continue to clean on Sunday morning.

It is a beautiful day in Ohio, so I am sure we will finish off the day playing outside.

Week two comes to an end!

We have now survived week two of fall quarter. It went quick, and now we only have nine more weeks to go.

Libby started preschool again today, it was the first day with the entire class there. I am eager to begin a normal routine with this.

Her school is my topic for this blog. Like I have mentioned in previous blogs I consider us to just be a normal middle of the road family. We are by no means poor, but we are not rich either. With me still being in school there are some lean times, but we budget well and there are never problems. I am thankful that we vacation each year, and have money to do extra things like preschool, dance class, COSI, and dinners out. I know that most people in the world are not able to even do that.

So in Libby's preschool class most of the children come from the homes of doctor's and other executives. For instance last night we attended a birthday party that not only had a magician, but also pony rides, six kinds of ice cream, and the best goody bags I have ever seen. The party was lovely, as is the family, but wow, all that. I had to ask Libby as soon as we got in the car what kind of birthday party she wanted this year, and you know what she still said a groovy party (as in Groovy Girls). It made me feel good to know that what other children may have has not started to rub off on her yet.

There is a small part of me that worries that even though Libby is making friends at school that her friends parents may not want their children to buddy up with Libby because we do not live in a Mcmansion, and she will not attend a posh private school. Are people like that? I think that we are a perfectly nice family, and I would never do that.

I must admit though that I think I will have a problem for a while with her staying over (silly that I worry about this, I do not think it will happen for a long time anyway) with children of parents who are not married or just boyfriend and girlfriend etc.... Is that wrong of me? I do not judge them for their choices, I just do not agree with it morally, and I do not think that it is a good example for Libby. So time will tell...

I guess this sums up the fact that I am neurotic.

I took some advice posted here about my mom, and I really have just not been thinking about it. I am concerned because she tripped going into the kitchen tonight, and my insensitive poo head of a father does not realize that it is a symptom of the cancer on her brain. He is a big idiot anyway. So we go to the neurosurgeon at OSU next week. I just keep the hope for more time, lots more.

Friendship

I want to publicly thank my dear friend for being just that, a wonderful person and friend.

Although we were not close in high school we have developed a splendid relationship in the past four or five years. I know that I can trust her with my deepest darkest secrets that I usually only would share with my husband. I know that we can chat about concerns that include our other friends I and do not feel that I am gossiping or backstabbing. It is rare in life that you can find a true friend and this is what she is to me. I hope that she knows that.

As I journey through this crazy life the idea of friendship has evolved. As a school girl I just wanted to be with the in crowd. I begged my fashionably challenged mother for Guess jeans and Esprit shirts. Of course she obliged, she tried to give us anything we wanted. My mom is still that way, god bless her for it, anything for her girls.

Now as an adult I have just realized that I need to be me. Yes, I am still in school, an undergraduate even. We live in a small house in a moderately nice part of town. We drive a used car, and gasp I do not even have a cell phone. You know what though, that's me though. I have really grown to like me over the past year. We may not live in a new home and drive a new car but we are the kind of people that I always have wanted to be.

I hope that I can always stay this way.

Day One, week one, ten weeks to go.

Well mama and daughter have survived the first day of school. For Libby it was just meet the teacher day, but she did stay and play without me while I went to class. This is not what we planned, but her teacher said that she did great. I think I may have been the only mama to leave, but oh well, life calls. Thursday is her official first day so there will be lots of pictures and such to commemorate.

I started class today also. This is my first quarter going full time since my first go at college nine years ago. I think that I will be fine, but only time will tell. I am taking two history classes, and macroeconomics. Tomorrow is our first full day at the university together.

My mom called the doctor this morning, she goes in first thing tomorrow morning for and MRI of her brain. I am hopeful that we have caught this early enough that Gamma Knife will work. She said that she was tired today, but she did get lots of quality time snuggling with Libby on the couch.

Thanks to all my "friends" who have left messages, it makes a sad girl feel good! :)

Life, twists and turns...

These pictures of my mom, wow, she drove me crazy on vacation, but they are priceless. Just a few short weeks after we arrived home from Hilton Head we found out that her cancer had spread to her brain. It was a rough couple of months for her, and for the rest of us as well. Amazingly though, she was really beginning to feel better.

The past few days though she has been having the same "symptoms" that she began having on our beach trip. She is tired, so dizzy spells, and nausea. Being the automatic pessimist my mind begins to turn to the worst. I have been lying in bed for an hour, mind racing, unable to sleep.

I play out all kinds of scenarios in my head. Maybe she will not make it to Thanksgiving, Christmas, Libby's first dance recital. So now, I sit here in tears, on the eve of Libby's first day of preschool, and my first day back for fall quarter mentally preparing. For what? I can not answer that question. For anyone else who has dealt with a sick parent I imagine they have been in my shoes. My mom is only fifty two, that is so young. I have so much unfinished business with her, but with Stage four metatasitc cancer I know that our time is limited. What makes it more difficult possibly is her spirit and her belief that she will be cured. I know that this is how she copes, and I never would do anything to compromise that, but, I think that it makes it that much harder for me. She has all of these plans, and I know that she most likely will not get to live them out.

I think what scares me the most is her relationship with Libby. My baby loves her Nan so much. The bond between them is incredible. Knowing that heartache is going to occur in my daughters life just about kills my soul. I just want Libby to have her Nan for as long as possible. The sad thing is my grandmother is still living and is mean as hell, not because she is senile, she just is mean. She always has been. My little girl has a wonderful loving Nan that will lose so young, and I have a mean uncaring one that hangs around.

Enough rambling for tonight. If you read, keep my crazy mind in your thoughts.

Quiet Time

I dropped Lib off at my in laws this afternoon. They live an hour away, and this is the first time since February that she has stayed with them. I know that she is just fine, but it just seems so far away.

So here I am, all alone, not knowing what to do with my self. She is just my little buddy, and we spend most of our time together. I know there are days that I am begging for a break, but now that I have one I want her back.

I did however get to go to Old Navy in search of new jeans, and I did find some. It was nice to buy smaller clothes. I would love to be a ten or a twelve, so I am starting to work towards that goal. I also found a cute new shirt.

Hubby and I are going to a party at friends of ours home tonight. It is a Buckeye pregame party. I am not thrilled about going, but the host is one of my closest friends, and it would be rude to not go. I think I feel this way because this is the first "no children" party we have been invited too. I do not mind, but I do mind too, if that makes any sense? There is also a "dress code" of only Buckeye wear. I really am not a huge football fan, so they are going to have to settle for the colors.

Have a great Labor day weekend all!